what's the thing that gonna be visible when you're blindly in love?

improper to say but, it's you.

but when you're not blind enough, you just won't see anything. like me as an example, I tried to drive my emotion like "when it comes any deeper, my body will automatically float and I won't be drown". as you keep trying the stupid feeling control program, you will start to know it's better be all of it or just nothing. like what I did recently, stupid love case, I chose the conservative love with skeptical thoughts about long distance relationship when all I knew she was about to go somewhere in like 2 weeks. Rana, now you're in the middle of nowhere.

realistic just doesn't suit me at all, I hate life as I hate horror movies. but I'm not well made dreamer when I was a kid, I asked toy less than any other kids. so what am I?

my daddy said "you won't know what you're gonna be but it's important to know your quality". so dad, I'm an ultra extrovert person in the morning to the afternoon and extremely introvert from midnight to dawn. most of my exes complaint around when I disturbingly changed my personality from this to that, nice to bad, in a couple of secs. I can't be in love because I don't deserve it at the moment, because the more I'm in love the more I hurt the others. that's it dad.

I rarely talk about my problem, I wrote them all in a blog like this. others' suggestion just confusing and won't change a thing. instead of all these things, I'm just plain enough and can be considered as a happy person. but I don't know, I kinda need lover right now, it's just too cold on the up here, and I need someone else. and why the hell Adilla had to move when everything was sticking to the plan? tell me you internet-less person with stupid idea about being a career woman is simply amazing and don't want to marry til 30, she is anti-amazing, she's just different. damn.

okay those two paragraphs up here just disgustingly melancholy problems to talk about. so the laundry is done, it's afternoon and it's time for sport, before everything wasted in minutes, I'd better leave this laptop alone and start doing something. okay guys, see you soon.